


It’s a Delightful Day in the Neighborhood

by miss_pryss



Category: Project Runway (US) RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 02:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_pryss/pseuds/miss_pryss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being an accounting of various features and figures in the New York City neighborhood of one Tim Gunn, in his own words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s a Delightful Day in the Neighborhood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amalcolm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amalcolm/gifts).



Author’s note: this is a (hopefully) amusing work of fiction. The (hopefully) very forgiving Tim Gunn had nothing to do with its creation. He (hopefully) remains ignorant of its very existence.

 

 

CONTENTS  
\- Finest New York Deli Market Store Grocery Shop LOTTO Cold Beer & Cigarettes  
\- Celebrity Dry Cleaners  
\- Ranting “Nine-Eleven Was An Inside Job” Guy on Street Corner  
\- Subway Station  
\- Duane Reade Pharmacy  
\- Felix Adler Memorial Park  
\- Random Coyote (!) in Felix Adler Memorial Park  
\- The Only Competent Shoe Repair Guy on the Upper West Side of Manhattan  
\- Starbright Diner  
\- Lenny’s Appliance Repair

 

 

FINEST NEW YORK DELI MARKET STORE GROCERY SHOP LOTTO COLD BEER & CIGARETTES  
aka THE BODEGA  
Bodega, listen to your heart. What’s the plan? You can’t rely on lottery tickets and 40s for all of your income. Or maybe you can, but frankly that’s a little vulgar.

I can see you’re making an effort at setting a higher tone by stocking specialty foods, but I’m concerned about your execution. This alarmingly expensive box of Yogi Tea has a layer of dust on it as thick as the cashmere scarf I’m wearing (a gift from the lovely Betsy Johnson, at a Vogue Paris holiday party mumbledy years ago) and nobody is going to buy a can of caviar with a rusty lid. Plus, there’s a very odd smell in here. Ick. You’re on thin ice, Bodega.

But I’m liking the store cat! Gorgeous color scheme—calico really is a timeless classic. You can’t go wrong. And I like her attitude. She’s like Liza Minnelli meets Krazy Kat. Play to your strengths, Bodega. You might consider putting the cat in charge. Just a suggestion.

 

 

CELEBRITY DRY CLEANERS  
Fabulous.

You’re on fire, Celebrity Dry Cleaners! The utilitarian aesthetic of your storefront is nicely offset by these seasonal paper cut-outs in the window. Chintzy? Yes. Campy? Yes. Am I concerned about the taste level shown here? A little. But you’ve got the courage of your convictions, Celebrity Dry Cleaners. And I trust you with my suits. Go, go, go!

 

 

RANTING “NINE-ELEVEN WAS AN INSIDE JOB” GUY ON STREET CORNER  
...I’m concerned.

 

 

SUBWAY STATION  
Don’t get me wrong, there’s something wonderfully democratizing about public transportation. Bespectacled, bespoke-besuited bankers rubbing elbows with coverall-clad custodians… Drag queens in house dresses knitting Dr. Who scarves… Young men selling candy to benefit imaginary school literacy programs… I’m all for it! It’s the ultimate symbol of urban life. The subway is to New York City as the black cocktail dress is to fashion: indispensable.

But does it have to be so dingy? Look at these lovely old tile mosaics on the wall. They’re classic gilded-age art-deco! So fun! But every surface in this subway station is sporting such a wretched excess of filth that it’s frankly alarming. I’m alarmed! I can hardly see the lovely mosaic through the dinge. You can do better, subway station. I believe in you.

 

 

DUANE READE PHARMACY  
You’re selling Cadbury Creme Eggs in November, Duane Reade. This unnerves me.

But let’s take a look at your breakfast cereal selection. I can see you’ve really taken my past comments to heart here. Those little single-serving cups of Cinnamon Toast Crunch were just…sad. Woeful. I’m very happy to see you’ve replaced them with something more on-trend. Grape Nuts are so now, you know? There’s something about their severity that’s almost exuberant. Defiant. I love it.

I’m proud of you, Duane Reade. And I’m just wild about this new line of trail mix you’ve been promoting. It’s light, it’s fun, it’s sophisticated. This trail mix is going to appeal to someone young, fresh, and cosmopolitan. You’re making good choices. Keep it up!

 

 

FELIX ADLER MEMORIAL PARK  
I love it. You’re looking very fairy-circle-meets-little-league. Nice job with these wooden slat benches. They’re well-proportioned, and comfortable without being matronly. Good work, Felix Adler Memorial Park. And I’m delighted by your squirrel population! We all know how much I appreciate animal wooly balls. ;-)

 

 

RANDOM COYOTE (!) IN FELIX ADLER MEMORIAL PARK  
Well, I’m flabbergasted. Coyote, I’m gobsmacked. What are you even doing in Manhattan? This is a “wow moment” for sure. Pardon me, I’m about to be excessively literal:

Wow.

Kudos to you, confusing coyote, for bringing a palpable tone of wildness into this neatly coiffed little urban patch. You’re really adding a whole new facet to the Felix Adler Memorial Park experience.

 

 

THE ONLY COMPETENT SHOE REPAIR GUY ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE OF MANHATTAN  
aka STAN

How’s it going, Stan? Talk to me. No, wait, I take it back. Please, don’t. I would rather not hear more from you about what your ex wife has coming to her or what your plans are for the guy who delivers your newspaper every morning, if that’s all right with you.

I’ll be honest, Stan. You frighten me. This shop isn’t so much a store as it is a grimy cave of horrors. The whole thing is a little it-puts-the-lotion-in-the-basket-or-it-gets-the-hose, if you know what I mean. And I wish you would consider cutting your finger nails, Stan. The twisted, broken talon look is just not doing it for me, especially in conjunction with shoe polish.

Stan, I’m here to pick up my Salvatore Ferragamo calfskin wing-tip oxfords that needed resoling.

Stan, they look amazing.

Stan, you’re a genius.

Please don’t hug me, Stan. I mean it. I’ll call the cops, Stan.

 

 

STARBRIGHT DINER  
I’m ambivalent, I admit.

Who’s your customer? Who is she? The mint-green formica table-tops say she’s either a goofy hipster with an over-developed sense of irony, or a single mother working three jobs who’s too tired to notice her surroundings. But the sushi section on your menu says she’s a middle-american tourist naive enough to order sushi in a diner. It’s a mishmash, Starbright Diner! You need to find your own voice.

Let’s talk about your menu a little more, okay? I like that you’re acknowledging the long history of diner food here. There’s nothing wrong with cottage cheese. Nothing at all!

But make me believe it.

 

 

LENNY’S APPLIANCE REPAIR  
Lenny, I have brought you my toaster. It is broken. Make it work.


End file.
